Well Willie finally came home last night. I'm glad. I finally get to see him after a week and a half now. It feels like it's been two months. Not much is going on with me. Except that Willie is leaving again on Sunday. So we don't even have a real "weekend" to spend together. It really makes me sad and mad all at the same time. But what exactly can I do about it. I'm not saying that he can do something about it. But what am I supposed to feel like? I should do some work stuff now. I'll blog a little later... bye, cha
posted by cha 8:54 AM
Temptation Island ended last night. I know that show is stupid. But after you watch one, you want to ultimately find out if the couples are going to stay together. So all the damn couples stayed together. But that is good. It made me cry. I'm a sucker for crying. If anyone is crying around me, I start to well up. Isn't that weird. I always cry at those Lifetime Wedding specials. I don't know what is wrong with me. I just went to a friend's wedding last month or something and started to cry there even though I don't know the couple that well. Just seeing two people devoting their entire lives to each other is just something so magical to me. It's amazing that two people can find each other and discover that they can't imagine spending another minute without that person. It's just beautiful.
So I talked to Willie last night, again. I am seriously having a hard time with being apart from him. I know it's tough for him too. But I am at a total loss here. This situation is out of my hands. It feels like we have been in this position forever and are going to stay that way for a very long time. Two thirds of our relationship have been spent apart. How sad is that? I know it's super fulfilling when we are together, but those are only two days a week and even then it might not be that long. Lately he's been on travel and we haven't really been able to see or speak to each other. I've seen him a total of three days in the last three weeks. And only five days in the last four weeks. Geez. What kind of "relationship" is this? Some times in life are definitely harder than some... and this is for sure one of them. I feel like we are stuck in a huge rut. I know things could be worse, but for God's sake, we only live an hour away from each other. It's not like we live three hours away from each other. I need to find a way to make this work. I feel so lonely. WHAT DO I DO??????? I don't know if my heart can take this anymore. It hurts so much. I just want to be happy, is that so much to ask?
I need help.
posted by cha 8:37 AM
BOYS SUCK ASS. I know you mean well Willie, when I am trying to explain my feelings about your actions and all, but you have to understand that what you did and have done sucks. I just figured that after all this time that you would have figured it out by now. My acusations do not mean that I believe that you are having an "affair". I simply believe that spending that much time with another girl, especially that late at night, even if it is for work, is just a little bit disrespectful to our relationship. That is just my opinion.
Jury duty was no big deal. I actually got called for a case, but when we got back from lunch, the guy took a plea bargain and we were all dismissed. It gave me a chance to catch up on my reading. I'm trying to finish that book Hannibal. I know it's a damn movie now, but I started reading the book a long time ago. Just never finished the darn thing. So I guess now I'm exempt for a year from jury duty. It wasn't that bad.
So there was an earthquake in Seattle today. Mom was really worried about our relatives up there. Her whole family is up in that area. So far everyone is okay. So that is a good sign. We'll probably find out more stuff as the day goes on. I hope everyone is doing well.
I still think that BOYS SUCK ASS. I know he called to apologize and say Happy 2 years and 11 months. But you know what, I'm still upset about last night. And I do believe I should be able to be upset. I didn't sleep until like 1:00 a.m. Which if you know me is highly unusual. I'm usually in bed by 10:00. This really sucks. I'm still really upset. How do you explain this to someone who thinks they did nothing wrong? You can't, maybe I have to live with that. I don't know how to. I just don't know how he could not think that this would hurt me. I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do...
posted by cha 2:12 PM
Hi ya... I still have so much stuff to do here at work. I just got volunteered to do another thing in another department. Don't get me wrong. I'm really glad that my boss thinks that I'm so great and that I can do all this stuff... but at the same time, I'm not getting paid what I think I should get paid... does anyone understand... actually I know many people that feel the same way. Well I talked to Willie last night. I am so numb from him being gone now. I need to see him... I hate this. I want to move. Maybe one day... *sigh* Oh well, till then I guess I just have to keep living life and trying to make the best of it. I just miss Willie too much. This is so sad.
Well I have to go to jury duty tomorrow. Woo Hoo fun stuff. Well like I said, this will only make me get more behind at work, yippee. That way when I come back whenever... I'll have like three times as much stuff! Yeah!!!!!!!!!! Okay enough sarcasm.
I'm listening to that song by Ricky Martin featuring Christina Grossuliera. I can't stand that girl, but she can sing. Well anyways... Willie hurry home... I want to play that playstation dance revolution game... do they really have that for PSOne? That's what the little kids at the party were playing it on.... I'm thinking about buying a playstation just b/c of that game. That game rocks. Maybe it will help Willie with his dancing moves... Hee2. Hey babes, maybe after the Lion King, we can go snowboarding on Sunday. But I heard it's supposed to rain again on Sunday. It still hasn't stopped raining over here. It's so bizarre. Oh one more thing, I told Aiko we could go shopping afterwards up in LA. We might as well hang out up there and do a little browsing. Aiko is going to do all the spending. We are poor. Okay, not poor just saving up for something else. Right? Right. Anyways... Willie wherever you are... I (L) you with all my heart.... bye for now...
posted by cha 10:35 AM
I have so much crap to do. I have so lost track of what I am supposed to be doing here at work. I am so lost. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh. They do not pay me enough to worry about all this stuff. Well... hopefully during my review... I'll get some good feedback so I can feel better about myself in this damn job. I am seriously so stressed.
Last night I did not get a good night's sleep. First my conversation with Willie didn't go that great and I don't know what the heck is wrong. I mean I do, but it's not like something super important that needs to be discussed right then and there. It can wait until he's back in California. And for some stupid reason, he wants to talk about it right there. I'm like...good night, you have a big day tomorrow and I have to get some stuff done...bye. He wouldn't listen. I know if you talked to him you would get a different story, but this is my blog and I can say whatever the hell I want. Secondly, The Practice wasn't on. I was so looking forward to just chilling and watching that drama and ABC had to go and play the damn Judy Garland story... like who cares??? I'm sure some people care, but not this girl. Then I had this terrible dream in which I kissed another boy. He didn't have a face or a name...I just know I kissed him. That made me feel terrible. I hate those kind of dreams. I was really mad at myself. Now I have a sore neck because I slept funny so when I turn to the right it hurts. And it was freaking cold last night...damn...
So, I'm not having a good morning. Plus it's monday... geez...what else... Now I'm at work all stressed out and I have no idea where to start... it's already 9:30 and I have barely gotten anything done... damn!
Well Willie: I miss you. Sorry about last night. We will talk about it when you come back.... I love you.
Oh and another thing... Not only do I have all this crap to do at work... but I have to go to Jury Duty on Wednesday... great!!! That will only put me behind even more. This is just going to be a stellar week... I can tell already!
posted by cha 9:16 AM